She can’t sleep
The loneliness takes her in
Listening to the saddest music she can find
Hoping it will wash her away
Fade into the despair of the verse
Listening to lonely love songs
Trying to grasp what the artist portrays
Do they really feel how she feels?
Or is money the motive
As it so often is
She’s running out of time
Trying to listen to every single line
The words should bring tears
But the numbed heart of hers won’t let her cry
Those who love her let her know
But the words seem to be gibberish
They are meaningless when said repeatedly
They just hang over her without seeping through
As you’ve heard so often,
In a room full of people her heart is alone
The feeling of anguish pulses through her veins
Like a crook in your neck you can’t get rid of
She walks through the day stinging with pain
In transition between then and now
Is just in between rutted, with doubt
The days creep by without a single notable sound
The heaviness weighs deeper rutted circling round
She falls short, crashing to the ground
The brick is so cold beneath her pale skin
Gravity pressing her face into the dirt brick road
More than her heart can hold with the weight of the world
On her shoulders, nobody telling her
“it doesn’t have to be this way”
In warfare she is bombed with explosions of loneliness
Her fellow soldiers are busy dodging the gun shells themselves
To notice she’s hit, wasting away on the battlefield
Waiting for her time to pass,
But that is all time does,
Pass.
Slowly.
Moments tick by like years
Without any attempt for redemption
Or excitement in her eyes
The people she loves let her know
They love her too,
Still she sits in her bed letting the words
Pass her by like everything else
The barricade around her heart
Lets nothing in.
Tonight she sits in bed and longs for the day
She will let someone in
And fill her lonely hurting heart
With hope of something more
Of the sun she hasn’t seen in months
Of picking her up from the brick after a fall
To find her in the barracks bleeding
An attempt to patch what has been hurt
To what she believed this night to be impossible
Vulnerability has conquered her spirit
Causing destruction and disconnect
In this buzzing world,
She listens to the words of a broken artist
Attempting to describe what,
As this poem pronounces,
Is impossible to describe.
The verses fill the silence
Causing her to refrain;
Radiohead repeats for hours
The line :
“True love waits in haunted attics”
Gives her hope
For a new day beginning to feel
Any other different way
my timeline is receding
there are no words for me to feel
and spread on this white slate.
i try to compartmentalize
all it makes me feel;
numb
i try to split the world in two:
paste it on composted paper
the world doesn’t fit
like puzzle pieces with two.
in the clutter of my room
scared. lonely. nothing.
my life is not my own
my heart cannot be owned
i am a mockingbird in a cage
my feathers are picked
my song is gone.
will i sing again?
I’m sitting here in my halfway house wanting to cry but i can’t.
matt gets out of jail this week. i want to call him. i want him to yell at me. i want to cry.
i don’t want to sit in therapy and talk about this shit anymore,
i didn’t do my chore so i am on a 4 pm curfew rollback. what the fuck? am i 5?
my sponsor can’t come to my house tomorrow and meet with me, so fuck the whole problem solving solution.
fuck this place.
i want to spend time with you all the time. i love it when you hold my hand. i love the way you look in my eyes. its reassuring when you tell me how much you care. i haven’t known you for very long but i want you to know i think im falling for you. its sweet how you tell me you miss me after we leave each others company. i thought it was amazing, you picking me up from work last night to walk me home to talk about how my first day at work went. holding hands inside your pocket walking hip to hip, the warmth of your body encompassed my heart as your hand folded around my petitie fingers. You told me you prayed for us last night. i want a christian boy to take care of me and my soul, to have that accountability. i think its awesome that you want to wait to have sex until we are in love. and that you respect the fact that i do as well. i want this relationship to go somewhere. i won’t be stuck in a lathargic aim house relationship. i am starting my life, and its awesome that you want to start them together.
to protect my heart i can’t think of the future, because i know i’ll just get hurt. however i do believe tomorrow you will look in my eyes and tell me im beautiful to you. you make me feel beautiful when the world casts its ugliness onto my heart. i feel pure around you. and thats a first around a boy.
so true. i wish more girls would recognize this fact. that victoria’s secret models are not real. and the reason they don’t show it live is because they have to photoshop their faces and bodies to make them perfect
(Source: stupid-little-dreamer)
I’m getting this feeling again. I’m falling for a guy. My favorite is stolen kisses
(Source: stupid-little-dreamer)
